"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

My thoughts on dick pics

Once in London I finished my shift and I was in a hurry to catch my night bus from Tottenham Court Road. I was at the bus stop when a young guy stepped in front of me holding his mobile close to my face.
Look!”
It was a picture of a – I suggest his – penis. It's okay to be proud of your precious male part, but why do you think I want to see it, especially in this way of presentation? Is this the only thing you can offer to a woman, does it make you a man?

I don't understand the male behaviour when they send a picture of their penis before sending a photo of their face. Lots of theories are out there, but I - as a simple woman - cannot understand that. I'm not talking about when the man is in a naughty mood with someone and the two are exchanging superheated messages and erotic fantasies. As a part of that I have sent pictures of myself and I will. I'm not a prude. And in this circumstance I find it natural to satisfy someone's curiosity how you look or send a picture what kind of effect you make on the other person's body in that very moment on the other end of the virtual world. In long distant relationships they are a different question, it's a reward to know that my partner is thinking about me even if he's miles away.
But these unwanted R-rated sexual photos from guys are the biggest turn off for women. If you’re a woman, have you ever received an unsolicited dick photo from a guy and thought, "What the hell was he thinking?" You're chatting with some guy online, you think it might progress to a date and then, suddenly there is a random picture of his penis with the meaning: I'm ready for you! Or if you don't answer to their messages, they will show you what you’re missing out in this way. It's surely not appropriate sexual behaviour or at least not when you want to get to know somebody.

I have to tell you dear Gents, those pictures are unwelcome. Most women appreciate a good body including the male part, but we are really turned on by the man's intellect, his gentleness and his strength. I'd like to know these qualities before he expresses himself sexually, not vice versa.
Something about this particular type of exhibitionism is really irresistible to some men. Of course, women are also curious, but when we ask for these kind of pictures or when we are happy to accept them, we are already turned on by the man's other male aspects like strength of character or intelligence. The female brain is wired in a totally different way than the male brain that's why men can be turned on easier by visually sexy effects. Dear men, for the women it works differently, please try to understand that! Actually most of us can be turned off by receiving this kind of treatment. I wouldn’t even want to know what these men think would be appropriate to send if we are in a relationship!

We live in an age of narcissism where many people believe that they are better than they really are, or sexier than they are. Some guys out there are really into themselves and their phalluses, and they assume that the woman will be, too, and she will send a sexy picture to them in return. They might think in that way: “I showed you mine, now you show me yours!” Some of them are insecure about their penises and silently they ask for approval, others are uncomfortable to properly express themselves with words that they want to have sex with a girl, so they send a picture of their penises instead. Others use it like a form of sexual harassment.

Women do not find pictures of penises to be aesthetically pleasing at all. We find the whole man we like pleasing, not only his manhood. Men fundamentally misunderstand how most women feel about these type of pictures. And they truly believe it works.


Thursday, 22 June 2017

Photoblog - Singapore, Palawan beach

Every time I travel I like to meet local people. Photo camera is a bonus :)


Photos by Christopher Tan







Tuesday, 20 June 2017

The way to a stripper's heart

"On my journey I have met lots of different men. Some were saints, others were sinners. If my Prince Charming hasn't come to me on this road, I decided to set out for him. Somewhere our paths will meet and I will recognise in him the man I was waiting for in my entire life, it doesn't matter what kind of disguise he wears to hide his true self."


I wrote in my book if I met the right guy, I would recognise him whatever mask he wears. By the time I finished the book, I met someone special at work. I met him in the period when my book was finished but hadn't been published yet.
How funny, I didn't want to approach him at the beginning. He was playing on the slotmachine and I didn't want to disturb him, but my boss poked me:
"Go to him, he's a good  customer!"
He called me and treated me as a Princess from the beginning. Can you imagine how much the other girls in the club hated me because of that?? (I wonder if he knew about what kind of book I was working on..) In that shitty club I was working, he made me feel special.
He was not perfect, but I'm not perfect either. We had some fights, specially when I was drunk at work and I was more passionate about everything than usual. But we found compromises in everything that brought problems to the table. Sometimes the situation was a bit overheated but a few days later we were just laughing on it.
When I changed clubs and needed to travel to another city, he offered me his help that he could take me there with his car and I accepted it with no fears. When one week later he visited me on that new place, I did something I've never ever done before: I paid his bill in the club because he didn't have enough cash. He didn't ask, I offered. I sneaked out from work to my room above the club and brought him the money. You see, I'm not your average stripper! Paying the customer's bill (5 bottles of expensive champagne) sounds pretty crazy, right? But I trusted him from the beginning and he paid back the last penny I gave him. 
Maybe he was not my Mr. Right, but he treated me in the right way as man never treated me before. It was not about the five star hotels, but I'm not gonna lie, I loved that luxury. It was about how he opened the door for me in those hotels and how he helped me with the luggage. Or when a drunk guy at work tried to convince me why I needed immediately to have sex with him, he saw the situation, got my hand without a word and escorted me to his table. In that move there was no possession, "this is my girl" or anything, just the well-known old chivalry. 
Lots of guys just dream about dating a stripper. Well, if they behave like most of our customers, no wonder why they don't have a chance. How to put it in the right way: you have 20 balls front of you, 19 red and only one blue. The blue one will get your attention, simply because it's different from the others.
I'm a stripper but also a woman. And just because I'm a stripper, I don't tolerate misbehaved guys, I would rather go for someone who knows how to treat a woman and make her feel special.


Saturday, 10 June 2017

The judgement is yours. The lessons are mine.

This lifestyle still holds so many secrets. Some people have no clue about it. Men see the pretty girl on stage doing some erotic moves and slowly taking her clothes off while they fantasize what they would do with her body in private. Dancing is the best aphrodisiac as the soft moves of the body helps to unblock the sexual energies. Men like to watch a woman dancing because they can keep an eye on her from a distance seeing her whole body as it moves with the rhythm of the music and makes her irresistibly desirable for them. I know exactly what effects I make with my performance. Men enjoy watching the dance while women are more judgemental towards us. This is totally fine. But I want to point out that we dancers are normal people just like anybody else. We also cry and share the same feelings. Sometimes we are desperate or confused, and sometimes we want to give up everything for a man we trust, just like those women who never worked in this night life. I've seen many movies about strippers life, being constantly drunk and taking drugs, being forced into prostitution. I must say I have never been forced to do anything I didn't want to do. Maybe I was young, naive or a little drunk when I stretched my boundaries, but I wouldn't consider myself deviant because of that. The judgement is yours. The lessons are mine. Until today I have no regrets about my choice. If I had a chance to change my life, probably I would do everything in the same way I did in the past. It's not only the easy money, not even the people I've met and the places I've seen, but all the life lessons I've learned during this period. They made me strong without losing myself. They opened my eyes but still kept me cautious at the same time. I've learned a lot about myself, but most importantly I've learned how to handle my limits and how to push my boundaries further.

(From the book Bedtime Stories from Stripperland)

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Photoblog - Budapest dream

These photos are from last summer when I worked with a talented Hungarian photographer. I was very happy with the photos but sadly after he stopped taking pictures..

Photos by Laszlo Racz
hungarianportrait.com


Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Men, gentlemen, guys

I have good news for you: my book is finally finished! The most exciting period is yet to come, to find a publisher or literary agent whom I can establish a good relation for my future plans. Difficult, but it's not impossible. If I could have reached the point where I'm standing now, there is nothing to stop me from achieving my goals.I had amazing years of experience in night life working as an exotic dancer what made me who I am today and shaped my opinion about men and relationships. During my work I have realised lots of men don't know how to approach a dancer, this points to the fact that lots of men don't know how to approach a woman. The book is about how they shouldn't approach a dancer or a woman. I didn't want to write an erotic novel, just to share certain situations and facts about what's happening in clubs. The main idea was while the whole world is judgemental towards strippers, nobody really talks about those men who have resort to our service and how they behave.  I bared the social stigma for long enough. People judged me for who I am and what I do, this time let me judge other people, first of all men who come to the clubs. Because these clubs will exist until men have the desire to come in, but nobody judges them for this pastime. I found lots of books written by sex workers, like The Girlfriend Experience by Rebecca Dakin, but not many strippers wrote books about their work. Maybe there are some books on the American market, but there they have a different style and system in clubs than we have in Europe. The books I've read about the stripping industry were more like social studies.
My book is basically a bunch of my stories from the blog about strip clubs but focusing on the behaviour of the average customers. I wrote it with the same openness and honesty as I wrote on my blog. The book is based on Prince Charming and fairy tales, because I haven't met lots of Prince Charming in those clubs, but more often other characters of fairy tales, like the Big Bad Wolf or the childish Peter Pan.
Growing older I must say I haven't met my Prince Charming yet. Some good Prince Charming material yes, who had the potential but indeed I met lots of Prince Charmless. Just for fun, I put them and their stories into 12 categories. I don't want to give an impression that I was dating a lot but if we think about it, every introduction to a customer is like a date when I want to gain his attention and seduce him to get in the private, while he's offering me drinks. I'm quite judgemental towards men, it's true. As one of my friend say, the book is harsh and he thinks it can be successful, but he's happy that he's not the man who wants to impress me though.
My future plan is to work as a dating coach, I have finished the course this year and to write more books. I'm not thinking about writing self help books on dating as there are so many already on the market, but talking about real relationship issues in fiction. I already have further ideas for other books. Another privilege of me beside being smart, that I'm pretty. :) Seriously talking, I've done some modelling and I'm pretty comfortable front of the camera so I think photo materials could complete the image of a sexy writer as I'm planning to cooperate with more photographers in the future and create more high quality photos.
My book has been over viewed by two of my friends, one is a photographer and writer himself but he has never been in a strip club in his entire life, the other friend knows every bits of this word and I know him from a club. For the result both of them opinion and support were useful for the final touch on the book. Here I'd like to thank them for their help and I'm thankful for those who don't lose hope in me during this period.